Hitting Panic

Well Hello, Hello,

I don't know where to begin. My thoughts are all over the place. After writing for years at my new "Fashion" blog, and ignoring this gem of a journal, I happened to somehow log back on to blogspot and re-read all the old posts from my teenage years that are still magically preserved here. I am calling it a gem because it truly is - its like reading an old diary - it simultaneously makes me feel more mature and more stupid at the same time. Although I was very under exposed to the real world at the time,  I was more confident and kinda sorted as a person - mostly because I believed in an ideal world from the books that I read. A world where everyone was nice and I was the main interesting character.

Clearly, as I hit thirty and the panic that comes with it, I have changed. I am no more the cute little girl that I once was. And I now have a popular fashion blog that I make money off. So why am I writing here again you ask? Well, because, this place almost acts like an "open secret" - like a diary thats online - a place that everyone and anyone can accidentally discover, but I am hoping that they wont, seeing how internet is so saturated with data these days. By writing again here, I am hoping to look back at this post a few years from now and see how I have changed again.

Let me introduce you to my 30 year old self - 

• The thing that has changed the most in me now is that I am no longer scared of being in the spotlight(almost). I am relatively popular because I took the chance and promoted myself as a fashion blogger and succeeded partially(still a long way to go, lots to achieve).
• I also juggle a full time job as a UX designer along with blogging. My boss in my current company is a BITCH and is making my life hell. In fact just today, I was humiliated in front of everybody for being an hour late in delivering something inconsequential. I am still fuming, I still fell like I am not good enough and I feel angry at everything and everyone. I am hoping to quit this job within a month.
• Having said that, I no longer want to work under someone in a 9-5. I know I hate taking orders and I know now is the right time(age?) to start something new thats going to secure my future financially and mentally. I am just scared to take the jump because it feels like I have been in a job forever and earning secure salary is good to support my expensive lifestyle but clearly bad for my mental health.
• I am still dating my boyfriend of 13 years. Yes, I met him when I was 17 and was hoping to be married by now but that hasn't happened yet since he's still figuring his way financially. He is also so confused between his patriarchal upbringing and my modern outtake on things. He still tries to control my choices but he has matured a lot over time and I am hoping to see more maturity in the future. We love spending time with each other because we are such kids at heart. I want to get married and travel the world with him(touchwood).
• I have a cute cat right now - his name is Hugo and I love him a lot! His presence reminds me that changes happen only by taking the impromptu leap of faith. Over-thinking never gets you anywhere.
• I do not read as many books as I used to anymore. Sadly.
• I workout regularly these days because I need to lose the extra KGs. After rereading my posts, I am convinced that skipping breakfast can actually help. What I used to unintentionally do back then is intermediate fasting - which today is accepted as a great way to lose weight. Need to start that again, though this time around its going to be intentional.
• I live separately for the weekdays.
• I have now travelled to several countries - Italy, Abu Dhabi, Thailand(twice), Singapore. I want to travel all over the world. Hoping to shift jobs and travel more. Travel is my new passion and I want to pursue it when it still remains a passion.
• I have coloured my hair several times now.
• I now watch Netflix and Youtube obsessively and hoping to start a Youtube channel of my own!

Thats all I could think of at the moment to say. I hope to come back here, reread this and reflect on life more!

LOVE YOU!

A letter to my 16 year old self

There's a book called "Dear Me: A letter to my 16 year old self" by Joseph Galliano. I think its such a sensible idea to write a letter to your teen self and advice her/him. If only you could post it to her, it would make such a difference. Or not. So here's my advice to my 16 year old self.

Dear Me,

I know you are so scared and so new to the college world and you want to impress anyone and everyone around you, but please relax, you are going to make a huge fool out of yourself trying to impress anyone living. Be yourself even if it feels really hard to do so. You will meet better people by being yourself and by not trying so hard. 

Surrounding yourself with people you really don't like just to belong is not going to make you any happier. Retain your individuality. That's whats going to set you apart in this world.

Don't be so self conscious about yourself. You may be right in thinking some people are going to make fun of you for having flaws, but those are unoriginal people and really don't matter much. In fact, you will not be in touch with most of them and will laugh(internally) at their stupidity when you grow older. Its normal to be different.

Don't be so inspired by the fashion you see in those movies! They may seem cool on screen, but believe me, they will look horrendous when you wear them! But even if you do make your share of fashion mistakes, its OK! You don't have to be so hard on yourself and feel like fading into the darkness. Its just normal at your age to experiment. You are going to learn from the mistakes you do now. 

I know you like that really cute guy and I know you think he likes you back and you can't help but feel like dying of humiliation when you do stupid and honestly out-of-your-control things in front of him! But its OK. you are just a teenager and its quite ok to have a crush, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.

And NO! you are not in love! I know it feels like that to you now but trust me, its just part of being a teenager. So don't feel broken hearted every time something unexpected happens. You'll go on to find the right guy in a few years with whom you can completely be yourself and who will love you for you. 

Please pay attention to your studies, I know right now you feel like that is the last thing anyone wants to do. But its not. Don't let all the distractions of your new life distract you. Believe me, no one will be more crestfallen than you when you get bad marks. Its just not you. 

Please don't use your cell phone as a journal, its just very humiliating to have it falling into wrong hands.  

And lastly, even if this letter never reaches you its okay. You'll turn out just fine. Your mistakes will make you who your are in your future. Lots of hugs and kisses to you! Mwah.

Mockingjay

I recently read the Hunger Games series again. The first time I had read it, I remember hating Mockingjay and thought it to be over-rated. I hated that Katniss hardly ever pays Gale any attention and hated Peeta for the amount of time she spent thinking about him and crying over him. But I wanted to read the series again anyways(like I do with most of the books I own). This time around, I had decided to read the book with a open mind and not be such a Gale supporter to see if I could really like the book. It did change my opinion of the book slightly. not much. I think the first 3/4th of the book is completely dragged on. Especially with the Love triangle. The author has wasted too much print on the sob love story and made the war just a background setting. I tried to look at Katniss as a girl who's been ripped apart and reduced by too much sufferings. It helped me like the book a little better in the beginning. But by the time I had reached the middle of the book, it was hard to keep viewing her like that. Especially when she kept breaking over Peeta being hijacked and her closet drama's. I mean yes, when Peeta was being tortured in the capitol, its a given that she is too worried about him to concentrate on anything else. Even if they were not lovers, they protected each other through the games, so yes you expect her to be in that state until he's safely rescued. But once he was rescued from the capitol, I expected her to pull up her socks and be the Mockingjay wholeheartedly, Pay Gale more attention even. But all she did was breakdown again over Peeta's condition and never really became the heroine she is expected to be. I really liked the part when Peeta really sees her for who she is when he's being re-hijacked, even calls her a "piece of work" for leading both of the guys on. I mean, Peeta and Gale worship her too much and that can gets infuriating in this book, especially since all she does is hide in warm pipes.

That being said, my favorite part of the book is the last bit when Katniss and her team decide to go on the mission to kill President Snow. The books picks up then and makes it worth reading. I cannot say that the ending is the best one. But it definitely touched me. By the end of the book, I could imagine Katniss only with Peeta. The author truly brings out the damage Katniss goes through after her sisters death. Her trauma at being the pawn in the entire games comes out here. And you cannot imagine her with Gale then, as she herself puts its aptly that Gale was like fire and she had enough fire in herself, but what she truly needed was peeta who is like a balm to her traumatic state, like a bright yellow dandelion which promises that life can go on no matter how great the loss. It also highlights the fact that, when most freedom struggles are won, the leaders end up being martyr of the struggle who face maximum losses while while power hungry people get to rule the freed state.

Vampire Academy.

I just finished reading The Vampire Academy series and thought I would write a review about it. To begin with, The Vampire Academy has total of 6 books in its series: Vampire Academy, Frostbite, Shadow Kissed, Blood Promise, Spirit Bound and The Last Sacrifice. And obviously its a series based on the Vampires. The story revolves around Rose Hathaway, a 17 year old shadow-kissed (brought alive from death) Damphir girl , training to be a bodyguard to her best friend, Princess Vasilissa Dragomir. The world in this series is divided into the good vampires(Moroi), the bad killing vampires(strigoi) and half-vampire half-humans called Damphirs. The moroi are considered as royalties and they rule the vampire world, they also posses magical skills which allows them to control one of the five elements: earth, air, fire, water and spirit. The strigoi are basically outlaws who lurk in the fringes of society to catch possible preys. Dhamphirs are physically strong bodyguards who are trained to protect Moroi and are ruled by them.

 Rose is the protagonist of the book who is very strong and can take any problem she is faced with heads on. But a series of unprecedented events, like her falling in love with her trainer Dimitri who is 7 years older to her, turns her world upside down.

The first 4 books of the series is amazing. It sketches Rose as a very strong female. Strong not just emotionally and mentally, but also physically. Rose excels as a guardian with excellent fighting skills. And the love between Dimitri and her is just so binding. The author explores the concept of forbidden love beautifully and makes you feel the sync between Rose and Dimitri. Her Friendship and love for Lissa is what any friend can dream of having. Best of all, most can relate to Rose in the first two books. What makes you relate to her is that she is just a normal girl being put through extraordinary situations. The problems in Rose's life, escalate once Dimitri is turned to strigoi in a battle. But Rose doesn't give up and travels across the world to find Dimitri in the forth book. The ending of the forth book sets high expectations for the fifth one.

Unfortunately the Fifth one just falls far behind its expectations. The story in the fifth and sixth book is stretched to say the least. What can be finished in probably 300 pages is dragged on to be 2 entire books with 500 pages each. The story is far from gripping and makes you want to skip pages to get to the end. But whats more irritating than the dragging book is the characters themselves. Rose, in these 2 books is shown in a very different light. She has a horrible unnatural temper and cant-keep-my-mouth-shut kind of attitude. In fact, in certain parts of the book you would just want to slap some sense into her. She is made to look horribly impulsive and irritating. I think the intention of the author was to make Rose look like she is smart and special cause she's drawn into all these sticky dangerous situations. But she doesn't come across as that. She comes across as someone who's overtly senseless and brings doom upon herself with extremely aggressive behavior. Its not just Rose who is off in these 2 books, but also the chemistry between Dimitri and her is completely off. Their relationship seems draggy and boring. In fact, the relationship between her and Adrian(another guy who she starts dating just after a month of Dimitri turning strigoi) seems really interesting! The mysteries presented in these 2 books lack the thrill and the ending is horrible.

My favorite book of the series is Frostbite. Because, as I said, you can relate to Rose in this book and its not stretched a bit. I had my doubts of ever buying a book based on Vampires after Twilight series. Cause, though I loved that series, I kind of felt I was done with this entire vampire fascination. Well, now I am sure I will never be buying another vampire book. They seem so far cut out from reality and if they are not even gripping then whats the point right?

the other boleyn girl ..

Hi everyone,


Recently I finished reading the book The Other Boleyn Girl from Philippa Gregory and thought I would do a quick review of it. Let me just summarize the story to you before I get to my opinions. The Other Boleyn Girl   is about Mary Boleyn who is the sister of the infamous England queen Anne Boleyn who was married to Henry VIII. The book is based during the Tudor period, one of the most famous period of monarchy in England. It starts from the day, Anne Boleyn returns from French court and joins her sister Mary in the English court. There is a lot of love-hate relationship between the 2 sisters. Henry is married to Catherine of Aragon who is unable to produce a male heir for the kingdom. When it becomes apparent that Catherine will not be able to produce any more children, Henry's attention starts wavering and it falls on Mary Boleyn. Mary's family pushes her to become Henry's mistress and leave her own husband. Mary gives birth to 2 of Henry children: Catherine and Henry. But by the time the second child is born, Henry is besotted with her sister Anne and starts Pursuing her. Anne, does not consent to sleep with him until he marries her. Henry annuls his marriage with his first wife to marry Anne, this also results in England church breaking up with the Roman church giving rise to the protestant church in England. When after 3 years of marriage, Anne is only able to produce a female heir Elizabeth and is unable to produce a male heir, Henry's attention starts wavering again. This leads Anne to take desperate measures and she sleeps with her brother George in hope of producing a male heir. When the child is born, it is seriously dis formed, which leads the king to arrest Anne and he finally beheads her under the charge of incest, treason and witchcraft. 

 The book contradicts itself a lot. The author has made Anne look very evil while she has made Mary look extremely innocent and dumb. There are instances in the book where Anne is just plain vile and evil. She has everything and yet she wants to keep taking more from others. She actually banishes Mary from the court when she finds out that Mary has married William Stafford( a commoner ) for love, when Mary has been nothing but good to her. And yet, Mary names her child with Stafford  as Anne which is weird after what Anne has done to her which makes you feel like Anne has done nothing but good to Mary, which the book doesn't show. Instances like these just prove that in reality, Mary is not as innocent as its portrayed and Anne is not as vile. When you research about Mary and Anne Boleyn, you will find that Mary was a mistress to the french king when she was younger and was hence thrown out of the France court before she came to England and became Henry's mistress. This in itself is enough proof to show Mary is cunning in her own way which the author has chosen to ignore. Also, King Henry had a son named Henry FitzRoy with another mistress named Elizabeth Blount, whom he acknowledged and made him the  Duke of Richmond. But he never once acknowleged Mary's children as his own nor gave them ANY titles. This makes you feel that he never fathered Mary's children. And in history, Anne Boleyn is seen somewhat as a Key figure by feminist. In contrast the author completely makes Anne look vile. Famous historians also claim that Anne did not commit incest and it was a false charge against her to get rid of her. I am not sure about this though. He could have just annulled his marriage with her instead of beheading her if the claims were false. Also, another nagging question I have: If the king wanted to marry again only to have a male heir, then why does he not marry Mary when she gives birth to their son? and instead runs behind her sister to start the process all over again? It seems so pointless! 


Having said all this, the author none the less draws light to certain subtle things. No, matter how vile she has made Anne look, there must be some truth in it, as it is not easy to bring a queen down and become a queen from a commoner. you would need to use all the cunning u have to achieve this and i am sure Anne was cunning enough to achieve the task of capturing Kings attention and holding it.


So, I can conclude that the book makes you think. And also Philippa Gregory likes to portray famous historical characters in a different light than what is known.

TV Shows!

These days I have started to follow a lot of TV shows. I was never a TV buff in my life(i am 23) but now I am not ashamed to say that I am one. Its a pity, really. I just get back home from work and watch TV while having dinner. I am sure this is the prime time entertainment for most of the people out there, but I was never one of them until recently! The shows I am currently watching are Keeping up with the Kardashians, Make it or break it, Fashionista's diary, The Simpsons....

My fav show among all is Make it or break. OMG! Its an amazing show!  It follows the life of 4 gymnasts who struggle through life to make it big in the gymnastic world. To achieve this they need absolute focus. In other words, they should have no life other than gymnastics. But since they are human, their focus breaks every now and then and they are entangled in life issues! Its a great drama!

Keeping up with the Kardashians.... Well there's nothing much to say about this show since its already so very popular. I kinda like the show... even though Kim, Kourtny and Khole act so fake, the show still manages to entertain me enough!

Fashionista's Dairies: this show has a pretty unique concept... It follows 6 interns around as they try to break into the fashion world. It shows fashion industry from a very different angle which has not been seen before. I absolutely hate the director of The seventh house! She is so fake that you would want to kill her. She thinks shes Meryl Streep from Devil wears Prada! But she is no where close to her. She is totally horrible to look at and thinks no end of herself! She fails in all eternity! She embarrasses herself by the way she tries to carry herself!

The Simpsons: Well I never realized what a treasure trove this show was until recently!  Its such a great show! It tickles your funny bone in its absolute sarcastic and simple sense of humor on life! Love the show..

Before I forget, no matter how many new shows I start or stop , Friends is my all time fav! Just love it!

breakfast time.

So, I am really not a breakfast person. I usually never have an appetite in morning. But I wanted to change my lifestyle(also u tend to feel hungry when u start working early in the morning :p.) anyways, as I said I wanted to change my lifestyle... so I started to eat my breakfast. I found that if you eat your breakfast, your metabolism increases 5 folds. BTW I am still very irregular about breakfast and I tend to eat junk during the day, this hardly counts as healthy lifestyle but I am determined to change it and starting my day with breakfast is a start. I was going through some of the articles and found many interesting stuff that I am gonna share with you guys.


1.Breakfast starts your metabolism early in the day so that it burns the maximum   number of calories.
2.Fewer total calories consumed throughout the day.
3.An increased release of  leptin ( an hormone that suppresses appetite).


I am linking some of the sites where you can get more information on the same:
1. http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_articles.asp?id=273
2. http://weightloss.about.com/cs/eatsmart/a/aa102202a.htm

    But eating any breakfast is not enough, you have to choose right things to eat in breakfast to get the maximum results. Oats, eggs, cornflakes, chapatis, fruits, milk etc are some of the options you can choose from. I personally don't eat any of these and end up eating rice, which is NOT good. But I want to change the habit and the best way to change it is to keep some time aside for breakfast rather than gobbling anything that comes my way in a hurry. 


  Apart from having a good breakfast, its also good to avoid junk. You tend to eat junk when you feel hungry. So in order to avoid junk keep yourself full by eating and drinking healthy stuff(small portions preferably) through out the day. Or else, if you don't want to eat through out the day cause you don't have the time(or simply you just don't want to) , you can follow another option: Self control. Control yourself from eating junk even if you feel hungry. 


  I hope to change my habits for good and I am gonna start following these simple rules myself so that the next time I blog I shouldn't have regrets of being unhealthy! Cheers to all health conscious people!